


Memory

by Starofwinter



Series: Adjacent Verse [27]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, M/M, Post-Order 66
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 06:38:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8479066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: "Sorry, sweetheart, what was I saying?"





	

_“Sorry, sweetheart, what was I saying?”_

Fives hates the words as they leave his mouth, they taste like ash and pain and _failure_.  Once, he’d been an ARC, he’d been the best the GAR had to offer.  Now, he sometimes has trouble remembering his own name when things get really bad.  He’s still damn good, apparently he hasn’t lost muscle memory, and he can still make the impossible shots he always has, but he hates that he forgets things so often.

They don’t know what caused it.  His last truly clear memory, the one that’s seared into his brain forever, is the one he wants to forget - staring down the barrel of Fox’s blaster, and the burning agony of the shot that should have killed him and _didn’t_.  Neither of them know how he was still alive when he got to the facility, or how he got there in the first place.  He remembered dying in Rex’s arms, remembered the devastation in his captain’s voice as he begged him to stay alive.  Everything after that was a blur of pain and nothingness; he’d been convinced that he was dead until a full day after he and Tup broke out, he’d _hoped_ he was finally dead and it wouldn’t start all over again when he woke up.  

He hates it.  On bad days, he almost wishes Tup had left him there, if only so he didn’t have to see the pain in his husband’s eyes when he can barely remember who he is.  Tup tells him it isn’t his fault, tells him it’s okay, he’s okay, that Fives shouldn’t feel so guilty or angry with himself that he can’t remember what they were talking about only minutes before, but he _does_.  Sure, he blames the Kaminoans, blames the scientists, blames the Chancellor, blames everyone else, but in the end, he’s left with it all, furious and hurting and carrying the weight of it all on his own shoulders.  It isn’t fucking fair.  None of this was fucking fair.  He tries not to break, or at least to keep himself from breaking where Tup can see him, because his husband doesn’t need that on top of everything else.  He covers it all with a smile and a cheerful, _“Sorry, sweetheart, what was I saying?”_


End file.
